I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
