She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
