cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
