You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
