Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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