How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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