we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
