I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
