I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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