The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
