i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
