How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
