What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
