he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
