I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
