we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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