i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios