it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again