Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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