There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana