Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.