Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning