Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."