My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon