Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
