I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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