Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
