I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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