Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
