i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
