is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
