I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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