You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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