hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
