people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
