You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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