You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up under a house in Key West
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
