You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
