i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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