my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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