now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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