There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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