I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
cat food counts as protein by the way
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
