Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
