Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
