Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
