Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
