Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
