i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
