Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
