2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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