You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
