I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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