and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
