I'm so fucking centered right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
