Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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