so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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