so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she told me i tasted like america
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Randomize
