Pants 0. Shit 1.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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