Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
