I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
