Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
