I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
