Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
