My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
