Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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