The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
