My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
