I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
