NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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