So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bring me that man meat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
