I've blown a few things in my day
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
