just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
