his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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