I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
