Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
