What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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