he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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