I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
