The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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