My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
