They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
