Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
