remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.