I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.