we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.