I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden