bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass